Fathers Day 2009

Today is the fifth Fathers Day I’ve spent without my dad. Five years, man. Hannah was almost 3 when he died, and Sarah and he never shared this earth simultaneously. I think I’ve become jaded about what Fathers Day means, is, should be. I’m glad I got my card from my daughters. I’m glad they made me coffee.

I got up and read the paper and had another cup of coffee. I read this perfect piece by my man Mo Egger.

And then I thought about writing some about my dad. And then I put it away in my mind, fearing that I wouldn’t have anything good to say. I mean, I miss my dad. Is that ok to say? I miss him, and I think about him all the time. Its gotten easier over the years but I miss him terribly. I don’t think people say this enough. If you know me, you know that I think my dad was one of the finest men to ever walk the earth. He epitomized everything a man should be…strong, tough, funny, successful, loved his kids and his wife and his family. The guy gave more than ten men should have, could have or would have. He was the classiest of men. I learned everything I ever needed to know about life from him, and he never taught it to me, he lived the lessons. He walked the path. He was no savior and he wasn’t perfect, but damn my old man was as good as it gets.

So the rest of my life will be spent trying to remember him enough to be a little like him, and trying not to obsess about him so much that I am upset forever. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t lay in bed all day crying or anything even close to that, but its been tough. I hope I never stop missing him, and I’m sure I never will. But the things that I wish I could talk to him about, the things I wish I could show him will always get me down a little. I wish that my girls had a grandpa on my side of the family. Hannah called him Poppy and now sarah does too. It melts me that Sarah, who at three years old has never met him, but grabs his pictures wherever we are and says “dats Poppee”. The girls missed out. I try and keep his memory alive for them, but what I am supposed to do? Who knows. There’s no book. There’s no rules on how to deal with this stuff. Its whatever works for you. Do what you have to do to get on with life.

Today on Father’s Day I was sad, and I got to spend the day swimming with my girls, so I was happy too. In the end, I guess we always need to remember the good, remember the bad and take from all of our experiences in life, so that we can one day, all be like Poppy.