DEAR LIVER

Dear Liver,
It's been a while since we've spoken. I know you thought that you would be one of those anonymous organs your whole life, but I've made you an MVP on a perennial all-star team. I don't know why we haven't ever spoken, and I'm sorry for whatever lead to our "falling out". Who knows when these things go wrong, ya just never know. But I think about you often. I know that life was good until we hit the 10th grade, and we started to go to Bryan Huber's house every day for "porch parties" around 3:30, monday through friday. And I know you didn't appreciate all the years of "i don't really drink much, but i DO work in a restaurant". And these days when it's just a little on a daily basis, and then a drop into the deep-end occasionally, I know it can be confusing for you. But the truth is, I appreciate you. I've never told you before, but I do. You mean the world to me. I hope we have many decades of fun together still. I wish we could talk. I wish we could, ya know, hang out. But your job, your very purpose is one of superior value to me, and I understand that we're not supposed to break professional protocol. But if ever you want to talk to me, and need a friend to lean on, I'm your guy. I love you, liver. Please don't fail me now. I love you. But, have you seen the bottle opener anywhere?