Has anyone ever died from nostalgia? I bet they have. I'm sure they have. I'm sure the doctors called it something else, like depression or a heart condition. But I'm sure it's happened. This is the definition of the word nostalgia I found when I Googled it: Dictionary: nos·tal·gi·a A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past. I think I have a terminal case of nostalgia.
So, I'm not saying that my present life isn't great. I love my kids, my mom, my cat, my hair. But it seems that I am forever thinking about things that happened in the past. But is that bad? I mean, Hannah losing her front teeth was in the past right? It happened this year, in the year of our lord 2009. Does that mean I dwell? Maybe not dwell so much as maybe I pause. Does that mean I don't think about the future? Of course I think about the future. How can we not think about the future? I think I just like to savor the events that have had an impact on my life. Big or small, those events are what make me who I am, they are pebbles or stones in my river. I enjoy living. I like to remember. And, I have a terrible memory. Maybe I'm afraid of losing memories in this porous head of mine, so I keep tumbling these memories around, quite often, to ensure their safety and longevity. Maybe that's why I write this blog?
So if you could choose which memories you could keep, and which ones you could let go, would that be worse than not being able to choose at all? I may be a bit obsessive...sue me. Trying to rate and rank all things that happen in your day, from highly memorable to completely forgettable would be a daunting task. If you have an excellent memory, you can stop reading now for 2 reasons: #1. You Bug Me #2. You don't understand any of this.
So, do I miss my dad? yes..nostalgia. Do I miss High School? not a chance. Do I long for the days when I'd get in my friends' red convertible and cruise through McDonald's with some Van Halen playing? absolutely...nostalgia. Do I miss the times before hannah could walk? Yes, but I don't have all my memories from then, not sure why, but I feel very bittersweet about that special time in my first child's early days. That's nostalgia. And maybe nostalgia isn't an exacting thing? Maybe it's longing for a feeling, for an idea, for a mood from a time that has already occurred. And don't they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder? Could that be the way it is for memories? Could that be the way it is for me? Why don't I remember things? Why do I remember the idea of things more than I do the details of these things? It's been said that God is in the details. Maybe God handles my details and I handle the big picture? I like that. Maybe that's it.
Nostalgia, it turns out, is just a vehicle for making things stay relevent in my mind. We always think of the past, and have bittersweet longings for days gone by. It's not unhealthy to think of the past often, we just can't live in the past. And I will always think of the future. But the past is what we've lived, what we've learned, what we've taken from our experiences. The past is who we are today, and helps to determine who we will one day be. Its not a choice to be nostalgic, it's a requirement in human development, it's how we learn. So think about red convertibles, and think about baby steps, and think about cutting class and listening to Bon Jovi. The key is figuring out how these things become us, how they make us better, and keep us alive to make new memories. Why are we here? Why do we exist? Who knows, and it doesn't really matter to me. What matters is that I enjoy what I've been given, and how I use those things to make my future what I want it to be.
So, I'm not saying that my present life isn't great. I love my kids, my mom, my cat, my hair. But it seems that I am forever thinking about things that happened in the past. But is that bad? I mean, Hannah losing her front teeth was in the past right? It happened this year, in the year of our lord 2009. Does that mean I dwell? Maybe not dwell so much as maybe I pause. Does that mean I don't think about the future? Of course I think about the future. How can we not think about the future? I think I just like to savor the events that have had an impact on my life. Big or small, those events are what make me who I am, they are pebbles or stones in my river. I enjoy living. I like to remember. And, I have a terrible memory. Maybe I'm afraid of losing memories in this porous head of mine, so I keep tumbling these memories around, quite often, to ensure their safety and longevity. Maybe that's why I write this blog?
So if you could choose which memories you could keep, and which ones you could let go, would that be worse than not being able to choose at all? I may be a bit obsessive...sue me. Trying to rate and rank all things that happen in your day, from highly memorable to completely forgettable would be a daunting task. If you have an excellent memory, you can stop reading now for 2 reasons: #1. You Bug Me #2. You don't understand any of this.
So, do I miss my dad? yes..nostalgia. Do I miss High School? not a chance. Do I long for the days when I'd get in my friends' red convertible and cruise through McDonald's with some Van Halen playing? absolutely...nostalgia. Do I miss the times before hannah could walk? Yes, but I don't have all my memories from then, not sure why, but I feel very bittersweet about that special time in my first child's early days. That's nostalgia. And maybe nostalgia isn't an exacting thing? Maybe it's longing for a feeling, for an idea, for a mood from a time that has already occurred. And don't they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder? Could that be the way it is for memories? Could that be the way it is for me? Why don't I remember things? Why do I remember the idea of things more than I do the details of these things? It's been said that God is in the details. Maybe God handles my details and I handle the big picture? I like that. Maybe that's it.
Nostalgia, it turns out, is just a vehicle for making things stay relevent in my mind. We always think of the past, and have bittersweet longings for days gone by. It's not unhealthy to think of the past often, we just can't live in the past. And I will always think of the future. But the past is what we've lived, what we've learned, what we've taken from our experiences. The past is who we are today, and helps to determine who we will one day be. Its not a choice to be nostalgic, it's a requirement in human development, it's how we learn. So think about red convertibles, and think about baby steps, and think about cutting class and listening to Bon Jovi. The key is figuring out how these things become us, how they make us better, and keep us alive to make new memories. Why are we here? Why do we exist? Who knows, and it doesn't really matter to me. What matters is that I enjoy what I've been given, and how I use those things to make my future what I want it to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment