MONDAY THINGS

• Today I got my e-ticket through HP to get my laptop overhauled, and completely without charge. Warranties are the best. So, I'll be posting sporadically over the next couple of weeks. I know your lives will feel emptier. Deal with it.

• The 30th anniversary of Elvis' death was "celebrated" over the weekend. I love Elvis, he is the King. He was the coolest dude. But you know the crazies all showed up at Graceland, sporting their "Elvis Lives" tattoos and bad porkchop sideburns. Get a life. He's dead. Listen to your 45's, look at some articles, read Elvis' Wikipedia page. Get over it.
  

• The Cincinnati Reds continue to be one of the worst teams in major league baseball. I won't be writing about them anymore until 2010. Unless I change my mind.
  

• There is still no known cure for cellulite.

• And then there's this. Nice. Proud to be an American.
  

• Mario Puzo wrote the Godfather 40 years ago, and it's one of the best selling books of all time. But guess who's never going to read it because he's seen the movie a gazillion times? Me. Hold your applause till the end.

• Alec Baldwin may be a celebrity dickhead, but he also has a good point here. And he's hysterically funny on the best show on TV, 30 ROCK.