I've been thinking about success lately. This goddamned economy has made it a tough year or so to feel successful money-wise. I know people that make an insane amount of money. I know people that have inherited a king's ransom. I know people that have worked forever to make good incomes. I know people that never made much money at all. I know happy people, and sad people. I know people that love their jobs but mostly I know people that just have jobs. I don't know where I fit in with all these people. I mean, hell, I sell pencils and paper for a living. That doesn't excite me. The only reason I'm there was because they asked me to come work for them. I never aspired to be a pencil and paper salesman. I never dreamed that I'd be a pencil salesman. I never wanted to be this. I just am. But is success directly related to the amount of money you earn? Is success directly related to how good you are at a job? I understand that success in your job is usually directly related to the amount of money you earn. But I don't think that a successful life should be directly related to either your job or your income. Many would argue that point. And many would say that it's easy for me to say this, knowing that I'm not making a killing this year. And if I were making what I made a few years ago, maybe I wouldn't be thinking about all this. But maybe a few years ago, I should've thought about all this.
I've been in the restaurant biz, owned a landscaping company (i cut a million miles of grass for several years that is), I have sold advertising, telephony products, internet products, over the road trucking services, and now pencils and paper. None of these things were anything I dreamed of being when I was a lad. But I'm not complaining. I've never been really career oriented. I hated college because I'm a bad student, and I thought I knew more than they did. I hate authority, I and I don't like punching a clock. I agree 100% with my close personal friend Lloyd Dobbler who said, "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." Of course Lloyd Dobbler was the character played by John Cusack in the movie Say Anything. But even though I'm quoting a movie line, this doesn't make it any less a valid point. I love that Lloyd was a rebel, and was trying to be a visionary. He wanted to bring Kick Boxing to the main stream, saw a future in it. He was trying to march to the beat of his own drum. And if you think about it, he was right. Even though Kick Boxing has never made as huge a mark as Lloyd had thought it was going to, mixed martial artistry (MMA) has become very popular since this movie was made twenty years ago. I want to believe that Lloyd went into that industry, since it's mostly the same thing. And I like to believe that Lloyd is like an MMA mogul now. But the point is that he had a dream, saw his life's work in front of him, and chased the dream is the important part. I haven't really chased anything yet.
I wanted to be a singer/songwriter, a star, an actor, a writer, a producer, a director of films. I wanted to bring back all the classics, and remake them. This has happened, and I didn't do it. I wanted to develop a Superman series for TV, this has happened twice and I didn't do it, twice. I wanted to write movies and songs and soundtracks about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. All these things have happened and I haven't done them. I wanted to be an artist, wanted to be a painter wanted to be an inventor. I haven't done any of them. I will tell you that I wanted to be a bartender, and became a pretty good one. I wanted to get into sales and did that, and have done it pretty well. It just doesn't excite me, and the only reason I wanted to become a sales guy is because I thought, when I was younger, that they had the good life. That was before I knew what stress was or how the economy could suck the profit out of any sale. But sales isn't really the game. The game is what you sell. I loved advertising, I loved being in the radio business. But I require more respect than that industry provides to any of its sellers, so I moved on. The money was great, but the stress and managment almost gave me a heart attack. That doesn't really sound like success to me. But all we've discussed thus far is jobs. Jobs, careers and money. This isn't even close the point. I apologize for the length of this article moving forward, I just need to get this all on paper, so to speak.
So maybe success is more about life than anything else. Door's frontman Jim Morrison wrote, ""The movie will begin in five moments," the mindless voice announced. All those unseated will await the next show. We filed slowly, languidly into the hall. The auditorium was vast and silent. As we seated and were darkened, the voice continued, "The program for this evening is not new. You've seen this entertainment through and through. You've seen your birth, your life and death. You might recall all the rest. Did you have a good world when you died? Enough to base a movie on?""". Did I have a good life? I have had a good life so far. Is that what success is? Maybe. And I say maybe because I don't have all the answers. I believe that the answers lie in the search for answers. And if my life has been a search, it still is a search because it's still in progress. And I don't always know what the questions are or what it is I'm searching for. I know that figuring out how to impact the lives around me is very important to me. I know that being a good dad and trying to create good people out of my kids is probably the most important thing to me. And I don't know if I'm great at that. But I try hard, and I think I do well at it. But it's all still up in the air until these girls of mine go out and try to do something with their lives. No pressure right?
Maybe I've been a decent son, and an ok brother, and I've always paid my taxes. I don't kick my cat and I'll usually stand up for the people that need to be stood up for. I try to be fair and optimistic, but I usually end up being cynical. How does this all add up to the life of success? I'm still waiting for something to really inspire me. What if it doesn't ever happen? What if my greatest accomplishment in my lifetime is that I produced two good kids? Is that a successful life? What if I accomplish that and i've never had a job that I'm passionate for? Is that a successful life? What if I died tomorrow? What if the world crashes into a huge meteor in a week from now?
What if I'm supposed to be the dreamer? What if i'm supposed to be the analyzer of things around me? How am I compensated for that? Does it matter then? Am I supposed to be tortured through a life of jobs/careers that I hate? Just so that I can write my thoughts about them? I'll never be a King, and refuse to be the court jester. But I'm more suited for the court jester role than I am for the King role. What if what's destined for me is something I can't find passion for? How is my success rated then?
And maybe life is just a sum of it's parts. And maybe the my life isn't front-loaded. Maybe the back nine of my life is where my most magnifiscent shots will happen. Maybe the front nine is where I hone my skills and I make up a ton of ground by the eightteenth hole. I'd like to hit one close occassionally.
Maybe I need a sign. Maybe I've already gotten that sign and haven't recognized it yet. How will I be successful in this world until I find my yellow brick road? I hope that paychecks don't determine success. I feel successful. But this goddamned economy has me second guessing myself these days. I know that my parents didn't have to go through an economy like this, ever. I know that the world is going to be a better place in a year or two. I know that the success I have will probably never be directly related to the size of my paycheck, and I think I'm ok with that. I just want to make a difference, make something echo, make something last, make something great. If I don't make something great, will I be unsuccessful? Who's to judge my life? Is it me? God? Yahweh? My life will continue to unfold and i will tell you that the twisting of my life lately has been extremely interesting and encouraging. Maybe my sign is near. Maybe this life has been successful so far, only because I've made it to here. Maybe here is exactly where I'm supposed to be now. Maybe this is just a bend in the river of my life and the ocean or a waterfall lies just beyond the trees, just out of sight. I like that. Maybe I'm successful so far, but the search continues, and the journey has just begun. Maybe understanding of the present is part of the success I am destined for. Hopefully the river continues to flow and the shores guide me through this. I have no compass but I feel the winds are strong, blowing me where I need to be. God I hope I'm right. I need to be right.
I've been in the restaurant biz, owned a landscaping company (i cut a million miles of grass for several years that is), I have sold advertising, telephony products, internet products, over the road trucking services, and now pencils and paper. None of these things were anything I dreamed of being when I was a lad. But I'm not complaining. I've never been really career oriented. I hated college because I'm a bad student, and I thought I knew more than they did. I hate authority, I and I don't like punching a clock. I agree 100% with my close personal friend Lloyd Dobbler who said, "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." Of course Lloyd Dobbler was the character played by John Cusack in the movie Say Anything. But even though I'm quoting a movie line, this doesn't make it any less a valid point. I love that Lloyd was a rebel, and was trying to be a visionary. He wanted to bring Kick Boxing to the main stream, saw a future in it. He was trying to march to the beat of his own drum. And if you think about it, he was right. Even though Kick Boxing has never made as huge a mark as Lloyd had thought it was going to, mixed martial artistry (MMA) has become very popular since this movie was made twenty years ago. I want to believe that Lloyd went into that industry, since it's mostly the same thing. And I like to believe that Lloyd is like an MMA mogul now. But the point is that he had a dream, saw his life's work in front of him, and chased the dream is the important part. I haven't really chased anything yet.
I wanted to be a singer/songwriter, a star, an actor, a writer, a producer, a director of films. I wanted to bring back all the classics, and remake them. This has happened, and I didn't do it. I wanted to develop a Superman series for TV, this has happened twice and I didn't do it, twice. I wanted to write movies and songs and soundtracks about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. All these things have happened and I haven't done them. I wanted to be an artist, wanted to be a painter wanted to be an inventor. I haven't done any of them. I will tell you that I wanted to be a bartender, and became a pretty good one. I wanted to get into sales and did that, and have done it pretty well. It just doesn't excite me, and the only reason I wanted to become a sales guy is because I thought, when I was younger, that they had the good life. That was before I knew what stress was or how the economy could suck the profit out of any sale. But sales isn't really the game. The game is what you sell. I loved advertising, I loved being in the radio business. But I require more respect than that industry provides to any of its sellers, so I moved on. The money was great, but the stress and managment almost gave me a heart attack. That doesn't really sound like success to me. But all we've discussed thus far is jobs. Jobs, careers and money. This isn't even close the point. I apologize for the length of this article moving forward, I just need to get this all on paper, so to speak.
So maybe success is more about life than anything else. Door's frontman Jim Morrison wrote, ""The movie will begin in five moments," the mindless voice announced. All those unseated will await the next show. We filed slowly, languidly into the hall. The auditorium was vast and silent. As we seated and were darkened, the voice continued, "The program for this evening is not new. You've seen this entertainment through and through. You've seen your birth, your life and death. You might recall all the rest. Did you have a good world when you died? Enough to base a movie on?""". Did I have a good life? I have had a good life so far. Is that what success is? Maybe. And I say maybe because I don't have all the answers. I believe that the answers lie in the search for answers. And if my life has been a search, it still is a search because it's still in progress. And I don't always know what the questions are or what it is I'm searching for. I know that figuring out how to impact the lives around me is very important to me. I know that being a good dad and trying to create good people out of my kids is probably the most important thing to me. And I don't know if I'm great at that. But I try hard, and I think I do well at it. But it's all still up in the air until these girls of mine go out and try to do something with their lives. No pressure right?
Maybe I've been a decent son, and an ok brother, and I've always paid my taxes. I don't kick my cat and I'll usually stand up for the people that need to be stood up for. I try to be fair and optimistic, but I usually end up being cynical. How does this all add up to the life of success? I'm still waiting for something to really inspire me. What if it doesn't ever happen? What if my greatest accomplishment in my lifetime is that I produced two good kids? Is that a successful life? What if I accomplish that and i've never had a job that I'm passionate for? Is that a successful life? What if I died tomorrow? What if the world crashes into a huge meteor in a week from now?
What if I'm supposed to be the dreamer? What if i'm supposed to be the analyzer of things around me? How am I compensated for that? Does it matter then? Am I supposed to be tortured through a life of jobs/careers that I hate? Just so that I can write my thoughts about them? I'll never be a King, and refuse to be the court jester. But I'm more suited for the court jester role than I am for the King role. What if what's destined for me is something I can't find passion for? How is my success rated then?
And maybe life is just a sum of it's parts. And maybe the my life isn't front-loaded. Maybe the back nine of my life is where my most magnifiscent shots will happen. Maybe the front nine is where I hone my skills and I make up a ton of ground by the eightteenth hole. I'd like to hit one close occassionally.
Maybe I need a sign. Maybe I've already gotten that sign and haven't recognized it yet. How will I be successful in this world until I find my yellow brick road? I hope that paychecks don't determine success. I feel successful. But this goddamned economy has me second guessing myself these days. I know that my parents didn't have to go through an economy like this, ever. I know that the world is going to be a better place in a year or two. I know that the success I have will probably never be directly related to the size of my paycheck, and I think I'm ok with that. I just want to make a difference, make something echo, make something last, make something great. If I don't make something great, will I be unsuccessful? Who's to judge my life? Is it me? God? Yahweh? My life will continue to unfold and i will tell you that the twisting of my life lately has been extremely interesting and encouraging. Maybe my sign is near. Maybe this life has been successful so far, only because I've made it to here. Maybe here is exactly where I'm supposed to be now. Maybe this is just a bend in the river of my life and the ocean or a waterfall lies just beyond the trees, just out of sight. I like that. Maybe I'm successful so far, but the search continues, and the journey has just begun. Maybe understanding of the present is part of the success I am destined for. Hopefully the river continues to flow and the shores guide me through this. I have no compass but I feel the winds are strong, blowing me where I need to be. God I hope I'm right. I need to be right.
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