SONG FOR THE DAY

ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS

You ever have one of those moments where, by the Grace of God, you found yourself very lucky? Or maybe something just worked out for you because of some tiny slight of hands by luck, or by the gods, or by fate? Here's an example: Yesterday I had gotten back from the store, and had some bags in my hand, coming in through the garage, and I stopped at the fridge in the garage to put a few things in there before coming inside with the rest of my things. I was bent over at the knees and waist and in my right hand I still had a few Kroger bags. I was using my left hand to put the bottles on the shelves. And just as I stood up, my new Blackberry slipped out of my jacket pocket and right into one of the bags still in my hand. If the bags hadn't caught the phone, it would've hit the garage floor and shattered into a million tiny pieces. But I lucked out, and it landed in a soft, cozy bag containing shrimp and butter. So by the Grace of God, my phone survived. Seems sort of insignificant huh? We'll see. Now then. Since fate, and luck and predestination and matters of the like are some of my favorite topics, I'll say right here that I do believe in luck, both good and bad. Some things happen for a reason and some don't have any reason at all. I'm not here to explain luck. I take my luck any way I can get it, and I never bite the hand that feeds me. And when bad luck happens to me, I try not to ask why, because when good luck happens, I never ask why and to question only the bad and not the good seems a bit self centered and narcissitic. I have been known to say "I believe we create our own luck" in some overly confident scenarios, but that's not really luck, rather just a cute saying. Wikipedia defines LUCK as this:

Luck or fortuity is a belief in good or bad fortune in life caused by accident or chance which happens beyond a person's control.^[1][2][3] Luck is significant in everyday life,^[4][5] as well as Morality,^[6] Epistemology,^[7][8] Business^[9][10] and other endeavors.

Luck is pervasive in common speech.^[11] Typical use includes "Good Luck!" to wish a blessing on someone, or describing a misfortune, as in "it was just bad luck." There are many expressions and quotes about Luck.^[12][13]

Cultural views of Luck vary from faith to superstition. For example, the Romans believed in the embodiment of Luck as the Goddess Fortuna,^[14] while the atheist Daniel Dennett believes that "luck is mere luck" rather than a property of a person or thing.^[15]

So, I'll take the luck, both good and bad. Good fortune, bad luck, it's all the same. Maybe they're all just accidents that either happened or didn't happen.

A month or two ago, I had just dropped off Sarah at the sitter, when I came to a stop sign, and i was fiddling with my GPS and I just went ahead and pulled through the intersection, slowly. But my mind was on the GPS and not on the road, and just as I got through the intersection, a pickup truck flew past me, waaaay too close. If I had been paying attention at all, I would never have pulled out into that intersection. My spidey senses were not working and it almost cost me dearly. I guess thats good luck.

One time when I was coming home from a party in Oxford, I was riding with my buddy Mark Smith. Smitty was known for his big black Trans Am, and he loved to drive fast. We were on a country road and we were going about 130 mph. It was on a long stretch of highway and it was about 1:30 in the morning. We had Guns N Roses blaring at full blast when some guy decided to pull out of his driveway about a quarter mile ahead of us. I felt the car slow rapidly, but i saw it wasn't going to be in time. Just as I noticed this, we the car started turning to the left, but was still sliding forward. When the speed came down a little, and Mark eased up on the brake, we shot off the road at about a hundred miles an hour, down an embankment about 6 feet, and slid sideways for a hundred feet before coming to a full rest in the middle of a cornfield. the car had spun around once or twice but never flipped, never rolled, never impacted any stationary objects. We were completely unharmed, the car had some busted fenders, but it made it alive too. So, what was that? Good luck? Bad luck? Good fortune resulted from bad luck? or from bad timing?

When I as around ten, my brother had shown me that if you turn a circlular saw upside down, and locked it in the table vice on the work table in the basement, you could use it as a table saw, and slide wood across it. He was much more mechanical than I ever was or ever will be. So I tried to set up the saw when he wasn't around, and somehow I did something wrong, and cut a big gash in my thumb, right through the thumb nail, and the wood shot out of my hands at a million miles per hour and i cut my forearm on the saw. This all happened in about a milisecond. I could've killed myself. I could've died right there. But I didn't.

So, here's where I "think maybe". Maybe life is more about good fortune and bad fortune, more than anyone gives it credit to be so. Maybe life isn't as calculating as we thought it could be. Maybe my life is unlike yours in this capacity. Maybe I have no control, never have. Maybe my existience has just been a continuous bounce from one thing to the next, where things could have gone either way, and for no real rhyme or reason, they outcomes just came as that might. And so twisting through time was I, with no real good luck or bad luck. I picture my life as sort of that cartoon where the guy slips from one cloud, falls to the next cloud, bounces to the next cloud, then lands in a haystack on the ground, then steps in a puddle, and then on a rake which smacks him in the face, and as he stubles, he walks through a stone quarry and gets covered in dust, and while walking out of the dust cloud rubbing his eyes, he misses being hit by a speeding truck my only inches and then takes one more step and slips down through the open manhole cover. That's my life. I think maybe I like it that way. I think at least i keep moving ya know? I think maybe it's better than the guy who doesn't land on a cloud. or maybe more exciting than the guys life that never gets to explore a manhole. maybe more interesting than the guy who never almost gets hit by a truck. I mean, what do those guys have to write about on their blogs? And I also think maybe thats not it at all, but that's ok. It's ok because at least i thought about these things. At best i wrote about these thoughts. And I think maybe I've cause you to think a little after having read all this nonsense. And if I'm the one bumbling through life, time and space, and you're reading about it, what does that make you? Lucky? Unlucky? hmmm. I've always believed that a man makes his own luck....

Good night now.

WINTER IS HERE

Winter is here. Those are three words that really make my stomach turn. But, the reality is that it is cold out there, Christmas is in about a month, and the days of shorts and t-shirts are gone for about five months. Officially winter begins right before Christmas, but for all intents and purposes, winter is here. So we don't go anywhere without putting on a coat, and we don't play basketball out back much, and we don't lay on the couch without a blanket and we don't walk around even inside, without socks on. College basketball is revving up, and college football is getting down to the wire. The NFL is past it's midseason point and the baseball hot stove activity really hasn't started to heat up yet.

Every year, I try and stay positive, and say that I don't mind winter, that I don't mind the snow. But to be honest, I mind it all. Snow is fun for a day or two. Cold isn't fun at all. Frozen, slippery pavement and treacherous driving is awful. Warming up your car every time you leave totally sucks. And sitting in your car while it warms up sucks even worse.

Leaving work at five o'clock, with an overcoat and gloves and scarf and earmuffs, and getting into your frozen car, and driving home in the cold, dark, exhaust ridden night, that has to be one of the most depressing feelings.

So I shall bundle up lest I freeze. I shall trudge through the muck and step over the puddles, and take the kids to play in the snow when it finally arrives. This is what we do. This is life in Ohio. Why didn't I move to Florida when I was young like I said I was going to? I wouldn't be having these thoughts right now. Such is life.

THANKSGIVING SONG

SONG FOR THE DAY

INDIAN STYLE

I can't sit Indian Style. That's the one thing that I physically can't do. Ever since the hip replacement, I don't dare even try it. That's one position I don't think I'll ever try to make my leg go into. It's weird to think of things I'll never ever do again, but that's one of them. It's not a bad trade-off I guess. I get my leg back to how it's supposed to feel (for the most part) as a 39 year old human, but I won't sit Indian Style, probably ever again. Last summer I ran into Holly, my last girlfriend before I got married, and she said she'd run into my Mom, who told her about my hip replacement. She told me that her Dad had his hips replaced, and that he'd popped them out of the socket at some point. I don't want to do that. That could mess up my whole weekend.

But this has gotten me thinking about things i'll never do again. I remember when my Dad was so sick, his physician came to the hospital and told us his body was shutting down. He said he had eaten his last meal, and that he wouldn't get up again. And he didn't do either of those things ever again. I heard him say, "he's eaten his last meal" and the feeling inside me was the worst feeling I've ever felt. Of course when I heard it, I immediately thought that we needed a second opinion, and that Dad would be fine in a few days. Surely this Doc was a quack. But in the end, he was right, and Dad never got another chance to do anything for the last time. I remember that when Dad first got to the assisted living facility, I had lunch at Applebee's and got some chicken noodle soup to go, to bring to him. And when I presented it to him in his room, I said "i brought you some chicken noodle soup, because I thought you could use something other than hospital food". And his response was simply, "you're kidding". And i thought it was a weird response, and I've kept that with me these last five years since he's been gone. I remember wheeling him out of his room, into the big hallway to a kitchen style table, and him sitting there trying to eat the soup. I'm sure he only had a few bites. I'm sure they were good for him. I'm sure he took one or two more bites than he probably could handle, just because I was there with him, watching him, because he wanted to show his gratitude. And when he said he was finished, he fell asleep in the wheelchair at the table, and we wheeled him back to his bed. The orderlees got him back to his bed. That was the last time he ever had chicken noodle soup. The very last time. I feed my girls chicken noodle soup all the time, and every time I get out a Progresso Soup can, I think about my Dad and the last time he ever had Chicken Noodle Soup. I'm glad I served it to him, and I'm glad he ate some, and I'm glad he was coherent enought to enjoy a few bites of it.

But do you ever think about the last time you'll ever do something? My guess is that none of us think of things like that, unless it's due to a hangover or something alcohol related. "Lord, I'll never drink Jagermeister again" or "Lord, I'll never try to beer bong six beers again". I know I'll never sit indian style again. i know I'll never go a full day without thinking about my hip at least a hundred times. i know I'll never get to start a double play from third base, I know I'll never be the starting pitcher in any kind of baseball related game. I know I'll never do any kind of drugs again. But the world is wide open for everything else.

Wide open. Man, dig it. I have a billion and one opportunities to do something for the last time, and I'm not writing any of them off. I can do all of them for the first and last time. I can try, taste, experience, feel anything I want to for the first or last time for as many days as I have left on this green planet. i know i'll hate some things just as I know I'll love some things. But at least i know that I have the opportunity to do most of those things still. And when the i hear the footsteps of the grim reaper, and I know my time has come to leave this earth, I hope there's not too many things that I wish I hadn't done. I know there will be chicken noodle soup for me and for you and for everyone, to taste finally and forever. But I know my Dad was thankful for the soup I brought him that day. And I'm sure that neither he, nor I ever expected that to be his last. So i guess that knowing that i'll never sit Indian Style is just a cautionay tale, one that reminds me that life is about what we make of it, and not what we wish it could've been, or should've been. Because there's all kinds of things that I haven't tried for the first time, and I don't have any of my valuable time left on God's Green Earth to worry about what I've done for the last time. And by the way, knowing that you've done something for the last time doesn't mean that you're short for this world, it's just something that you can cross off your list, in order to get to the next thing in life. It doesn't have to be a bucket list, but rather, maybe just a to do list. So long Indian Style, hello sitting like a grown up.

A FEW THINGS

• The new Bon Jovi album debuted at #1, which makes me smile. I downloaded the album off of Amazon the day it came out for $3.99. It's not bad either. It's better than the last album. I told my sister this and she said something like "well, maybe that says that it's not a very good album". Of course, Abby is wrong here. If you figure you pay anywhere from $1 to $1.39 per song, if you have 3 songs you like on this album, it pays for itself.
  

• Had a funny conversation with Amy today about Facebook. Her ten year old is on Facebook. We were talking about how a ten year old doesn't really have that much interesting stuff to post on Facebook, or anywhere else. And i got to thinking, most of the people that post on FB don't have much to say either. Theres some categories of people on there. There's the "i'll document the most mundane shit in my life" poster. This chick can't bake cookies or go to her kid's swim meet without mentioning it on FB. Then there's "lonely guy from high school trolling peoples pics" hoping to score with anyone. You know him, he pops up wanting to chat with whoever is online. Be careful ladies, he could be a stalker. Then there's "someone told me to get on here and I have no clue what i'm doing" guy. He has one picture of himself in the photos, maybe one of his kid at the beach on vacation. And every day he's typing questions to everyone like "why do all these game scores keep showing up on my wall?" or "Does anyone know how to get a hold of...." or "This facebook stuff is as addictive as crack". That guy eventually goes away. Then there's "Here's all my information because I think everyone needs to know" girl. She has too many pics, too many "at the game with..." entries and too much information. She probably also has too many pictures, too many albums and too much time on her hands. Careful men, she may be a stalker too. My opinion is that FB should just be for pictures and information. Posting how many miles you drove that day or that you wish it was friday is freaking ridiculous. Pick up the phone and call someone, go to the gym or get a dog. Blah blah blah.

• Then there's Abby's birthday yesterday, same day as Sarah's. I haven't gotten her a present yet and I really wish i'd had something for her last night. Although, i did cook her dinner on Saturday and she did drink all my wine. I want to pick her up something cool this weekend in Sedona. Hell, just her knowing that I'm thinking about her should be all the gift she needs. I'm generous. To a fault. I am.
  

• I am so ADHD tonight, i kept walking around my house, from room to room, moving piles of clothes around, trying to put stuff away, trying to pack. It's now 10:30 and the only thing in my suitcase is a book. Man, adult ADHD is a bitch. Maybe I need a beer. MMMMMMMMMMM beer! Good idea.
  

• I already miss baseball. It's gonna be a long winter.

• Mens basketball starts now. I'm rooting for Xavier a lot, Kentucky some and always for Miami U. I love Charlie Coles. This is a clip from his press conference from last night when they lost by two to UK on a buzzer beater. Love this guy!
  

FOURTH BIRTHDAY

Today Sarah, my four year old, celebrated her birthday. Yesterday she was three, today she is four. She's beautiful of course. She's smarter than hell. And she's pretty tolerant. But she has a taste for the hard stuff...Twix, Kit Kat's, M&M's. She only eats when she wants to and mostly is a happy kid. Her older sister could take a few cues from her. But that's another story for another time. Tonight I'm thinking about Birthdays. Sarah had her birthday party tonight, it was only family. And I watched and helped as she tore through her presents. She loved opening the gifts. She loved blowing out her candles. She never once complained or acted like it wasn't enough or like it was too much. And I'd spent the day running around, picking up gifts and spongebob plates and napkins, and generally hoping that she'd have a great birthday. And I tried to remember any of my birthdays as a kid. I don't remember one of them. Not one. This isn't a sad story but I do have some thoughts.

I remember going to birthday parties as a kid. I remember going to my friend Bobby Zellner's birthday party, we must have been around ten. My Dad dropped me off at Bobby's house, I had a great big present in my arms. He honked the horn and drove home. Bobby lived in the same neighborhood as me, so Dad was just driving a couple streets home. And I remember not wearing a coat because we were going roller skating and I didn'tn think I needed the extra baggage of a coat. So I rang the doorbell, and rang it again. And after ringing it about five or six times, I realized that the party wasn't meeting here, we were supposed to go directly to the skating rink. But Dad had already left. And the walk home was in the cold, in the flurries, with me carrying this big present, and with no coat. I remember crying the whole way, cold and getting colder, with my little hands wrapped around this big ol present. I got home and my folks were truly surprised and I stood over one of the registers letting my hands get warmed up after my painful little walk. And eventually my Dad took me over to the skate rink and came in with me to be sure that that's where everyone was. At home I was more than a little pissed and humiliated, but when I got to the rink, and saw all my friends, I was relieved and happy. I'm sure that I worked up a sweat and had a great time. But what a bummer it was to start the party the way I had.

So i guess that the main thing is that everything worked out for me and that party for Bobby. I'm sure that I had a blast and that my parents felt kind of stupid for misreading the invitation. But all's well that ends well.

And so today, when I reflect back on Sarah's fourth birthday party, I know it was a good one. And she'll most likely not remember it. She got some good gifts but nothing bad happened. I expect that she'll have her Nintendo DS for years to come. Why is it that the only things I remember are because something bad happened? Am I the only one that remembers things this way? I mean, I know that I had a party or get-together with family every year. I know that I always got good gifts. I know that I always had good birthdays. But I can't remember a single one of them. I know that this year the day came and went and nobody, not my kids, my estranged wife, or anyone at work even acknowledged it. I didn't get one present and I didn't even get a cake. I hope that I don't remember that next year. This birthday sucked, actually.

But I was glad that Sarah had a smile on her face tonight. I'm glad that she got to hang out with her cousins and grandparents. I'm glad that she had chocolate smeared on her face when i went to kiss her goodnight. I'm glad that we got to play with her new toys tonight. I'm glad that she got to go to sleep smiling, feeling satisfied with her birthday and all the loot that came with it. Most of all, I'm just glad that she's here, happy, warm, safe and healthy. Maybe that's what I got for my birthday, two months ago. Maybe that's all I wanted for me, for her. Next stop...Christmas.

WHO DEY

I listened to the Bengals v Steelers game today while I stained my deck. Wow. What a win. My neighbor (Steeler fan) asked afterwards if I was worried during the game. I said no, i never really thought the Bengals were losing control. And they impressed everyone with that win. And look, I would have watched or listened to every game this year no matter what. But how freaking nice has it been to experience this season? We deserve this. We've earned this. Make us proud Bengal fans. Act like you've been there. Show the love, don't get cocky. Between UC, OSU, and the Bengals, we are in the football capital of the world. Love it. Go Bengals!!!!

I'M BACK

So, I took some time off. I didn't really mean to, but just did. I write this blog mostly for me and a select few, and it's my blog, so if I want to take some time off, i'm gonna do it. But I think about this site all the time. And i always am thinking about writing. I've started and stopped all kinds of things in the past few weeks. But nothing seemed blog-worthy. And i've had a lot on my mind lately. I am officially unemployed, although i still get a check for a little while longer. I have money in the bank so it's not really a sad story. If you know me, you know I absolutely hated my job. So it's a blessing in disguise. I'm going to take some time to figure out my next move. I want to start back to school, and I really should, so that I can receive traing in something that i really want to do. But the only think about school is that I can't work full time, have two kids and go to school. I know I can't. So should I be poor for a few years, and literally start over? Or should I take my time and try to figure out something that really inspires me vocationally? My life is at a crossroads right now. And i'm trying to figure it out. And I will figure it out. So I'm working on that. And I'm working on lot's of things. And I will be here, talking about Nothing In Particular every day that I can. I can't make any promises during vaction, but I am working my way back to being a daily blogger. And now for a peak behind the curtain...it's hard to write every day. It's very hard. And I do have two kids, and being unemployed makes me a full time stay at home dad, and that is a VERY exhausting job. So, if you dear reader, promise to be patient with me, i promise to try and write something for you daily. Live Big. See you tomorrow!

SONG FOR THE DAY

DESERT TRIP

Thursday will be my 8 year old's first plane ride. In fact, she'll get to take two planes on Thursday, because that's the day that she and I go to Phoenix Arizona for a long weekend to see Aunt Amy and all her family. Hannah and I take off for our getaway at about 4:30 and we'll get into Phoenix around 10:30 Arizona time. That's a pretty long day, especially for Hannah because she has to do a half day at school that morning. But it's going to be a blast. I know we're going on a horseback ride through some trails, I know we're going to Sedona to see the Red Rock Christmas Celebration, and I know we're taking a 4 x 4 Jeep ride through the desert. We're staying at a Resort in Sedona where we'll enjoy some good food, good times and get caught up with the Western part of my family. I hope to go to a Phoenix Suns game if Uncle Nick can score some good tickets and I can't wait to see Katie play soccer. We'll get back late Monday night, and so it'll be a whirlwind mini-vacation. But it'll be worth every minute of travel to create some very special memories. I can't wait to see the desert, I can't wait to see my family. I am looking forward to this trip. I might even get to play golf. Maybe I'll even post some pics.