BATMAN MOON

So the insomniac was just on the deck havin' a smoke. It's almost One AM. This night is cool and crisp with more Autumn in the temperature than I'm used to yet. I'm not complaining. It feels good out there. It seems clear but it's very dark. The winds right now are kind of low down here on the ground, but the sky above told a different story...the winds are fast about a mile up. I looked up at the moon and caught it just as it peaked out of a cluster of dark swirling clouds, but then it disappeared. Then it poked out again and I saw it shining through a black and gray smokey cloud that seemed to be curling around the moon itself. I heard the leaves in the trees bristle in the wind and I noticed I was shivering just a bit. And the orange glow of my cigarette seemed to breathe hard and shine brighter in my fingertips. I took a mouthful of my Budweiser and hit the smoke one last time before I crushed it out. I looked up for the moon one more time while the cigarette smoke blew out of my mouth in a rush and just disappeared into the night winds. This time the moon was nowhere to be seen. But the pale haze that emitted from behind the curling clouds made me think of the beginning of a Batman movie. The colors in the sky were all of the blue-black family and they were all intertwining with each other, and i thought of those mixed colored marbles, kind of like an ice cream swirl, that we all had as kids. And I said aloud, to myself, "Batman Moon". I'm going out again for one more smoke, and one more look. I won't be surprised at all if I see the Bat Signal shining on the clouds. And I'll wonder what fresh hell Commissioner Gordon has come into, with no other choice readily available to him, than to summon the Dark Knight. And then I'll try to sleep. Goodnight Batman Moon...

LAPTOP BULLSHIT DAY 60

So, this might be surprising to those of you that know me. I actually am no longer mad about my laptop bullshit taking so long. i have decided that i don't matter to this big-ass company that i spent my hard earned money with. Last monday i called and talke to "Ryan" in customer resolution department. He told me he had no record of me speaking with "Maria" the week before. whatever dude, don't make me go to the freaking phone records on you. So anyhow, today i couldn't reach "Ryan", he was on the phone. but, the dude that took the call looked up my order # and told me my cord was on back order but it should be delivered soon and Ryan would call me today. that was around 11am. it's now ten o'clock pm. i'm not waiting by the phone. HP is losing a loyal customer. it didn't have to be like this for us. we used to be strong. i'm over it....i'm over YOU HP. Kiss my ass HP.

MONDAY SONG FOR THE DAY

SONG FOR THE DAY

INSPIRATION

Inspiration, according to dictionary.com is: Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity.

Inspiration. Stimulation. Mental Masturbation. Sounds about right. I've been working a lot this week. Work has my mind tied up all the time this week. Even tonight. I've never been a big fan of this job I have. And like I've said before, I only work here because, well, they offered me the job when I really needed one. And I love the guys I work for and they've been very good to me. But eh, not really inspired to be in this job. But then again, who's really happy out there? For me though, I worry that the uninspired work is taking it's toll on the rest of my mind, my life, my heart. And that's what's inspiring me tonight. Funny. Confusing. Again, I think maybe.

Sometimes I think about the ocean. Not as like the beach or the sand or fish or shells. But more as just a seemingly endless, enormous organic entity. It's unreal to me, the ocean that is, it's vastness, its strength, it's never ending waves. The ocean is unfathomable to me. It's enormousness is undefinable in my mind. I cannot quantify it's size. I cannot come to terms with the amount of water, the depth, the width, the sheer volume of it all. And even though every wave is connected to every other wave, they don't really rely on each other and the waves of the shore off of Maine don't really influence the waves off the shore of the Atlantic side of Florida. But they are influenced by the same force. And that force, that power is unreal to me. I cannot describe that power, i cannot think of it in terms that justify it's awesomeness. The waves that hit the shores, even when the bay is glassy and calm, the waves have to be one of the most powerful forces in all of nature. The ocean is inspiring.

I've visited the Grand Canyon. It was a decade ago, and that week I had the flu. And although I felt rotten and disgusting from head to toe, the incredible sights that I saw from the tops of the cliffs over looking the Grand Canyon were unbelievable and vast. I looked out across this giant hole in the Earth, and to the other side...well, tried to see the other side. And even though I have 20/20 vision, my mind could not understand what I was seeing. It could not interpret the size and scope of the thing in front of me. I saw through the air, across that anti-mountainous region, until i couldn't see anymore. But there was still things out there, my mind just didn't have the experience, or the context to interpret what it was seeing. I couldn't relate to the sheer size of it. And I had the flu. The Grand Canyon was inspiring.

Both of my kids, obviously, have learned to walk, took their first steps, formed their first words. Hannah, after repeated efforts by me, one day just started riding her bike without training wheels, just kind of on her own. Hannah draws and paints. Sarah taught herself to swim underwater at three (i'll take some credit for that actually). Oreo went from a tiny little kitten to a big fat-ass cat. These things are inspiring to me. The grass grows, the flowers bloom then wilt. The birds sing and the bees buzz. These things inspire me. People write books and take adventures and build bridges and houses and sky scrapers. Those people are inspired. School teachers go and teach noisy, smelly little kids all day long, and cops drive around the worst places in the city. And firemen train all their days, for that next time that they get to run into a dangerous fire. And writers write books and painters paint and sculptors sculpt. These people are inspired, and inspire me. But my job, my profession, my vocation...sales...doesn't do a thing to inspire me. The ocean is inspiring. And the waves that hit the shores never will stop, never will go away, never will be silent. Ever. And i sell pencils and paper. I need a new job. I need something that inspires me. I need something that will light a fire under me. I need something that I look forward to, something that I'll enjoy. Maybe I need a preacher. Definitely I need a drink. One of my favorite Counting Crows songs is Raining in Baltimore. And they end the song with these lyrics:

I need a phone call
Maybe I should buy a new car
I can always hear a freight train if I listen real hard
And I wish it was a small world
Because Im lonely for the big towns
Id like to hear a little guitar
I think its time to put the top down.

I think it's time to put the top down for sure.

HOME AGAIN....NO ROOM KEYS REQUIRED

600 miles this week, it's only Thursday. 2 different hotels in 2 different cities. man I need a new job. I used to think it would be nice to travel some for work. BIGGEST. MISTAKE. EVER. maybe if I took airplanes instead of my car, these trips would be nicer. Traveling kinda sucks. And i don't get to see many of the Reds games because i'm out of market. I'm in Pittsburg or Phillies territory. Oh well. It's good to be back home. It's good to kiss my girlies.

I'D LIKE A CLONE-BURGER WITH CHEESE, PLEASE

The Los Angeles Dodgers are having a Star Wars promotional night at Dodger Stadium next month. This has to be the best promotion ever. I wish i'd known, not enough lead time to get out there in time. Read this, very cool.

MONDAYS ARE STRESSFUL

SONG FOR THE DAY

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS

I took my girlies to see this movie today. i absolutely loved it. the story was good, the characters were good and the animation was very cool. we didn't pay the extra $14 to see it in 3-D and no one cared at all. I loved the movie. it was witty and smart, just enough lesson in it to make it good for kids, and no grown up references that i might've squirmed at. Just good clean family fun and i recommend it to you all...kids or not. This was my favorite kid movie of the year i think. go see it, you'll laugh. hell, i almost cried at one point. and the bonus is that they cast MR T in the role of the cop. bonus when you get MR T in your movie unexpectedly!
41/2 stars out of 5

WHO'S RIGHT? YOU MAKE THE CALL

About two weeks ago, I was on the elevator in my hotel, riding down to the lobby. I was alone on my ride, but had the phone in my ear, listening to messages. I got to the lobby and i'd moved to directly in front of the doors. The doors opened and there was some bearded yahoo dude standing there looking at me. I started to take a step out the door, and he started to take a step into the elevator. now, he had a big suitcase he was rolling behind him, i had no luggage at the time. So with the blackberry still stuck to my ear, i just stood there. And he took a step back and i left the elevator and passed is wife or daughter or "niece" or whomever she was...i don't judge. And as i walk out of the elevator area i hear him say, "goddanm man, like EXCUSE ME". and his girl laughed and he said something like "glad i got outta his way" saracastically. I kept moving, i was going to dinner across the street, was hankering for some wings and a cold one. But i got to thinking about mr rude bearded guy. And i thought that the rules of etiquette state that the people getting off the elevator were always to get off the elevator before the riders gettin on were to get on. And that seems to make sense. And maybe i'll go ahead and assume that the beard was not the smartest guy, nor was his companion. But it kinda irked me that he had to do the smartass bullshit with me at my expense. I'm right on this one ,right? People getting off have the right of way to those getting on, right?? I'm sure thats right. But the question i still have is why is this dude allowed to roam the halls of my hotel without this knowledge? Isn't there someone there that could take the less traveled travelers aside and get some quick training on the do's and don'ts of hotel life? maybe they should. anyhow, i'm thankful the dude wasn't packing heat and wasn't looking to make a name for himself in the newspapers. He's still an asswipe though. let me know if you disagree...joeschaos@gmail.com

APPARENTLY, IT AIN'T EASY BEIN' GREEN

It's been pointed out to me that colors may not be consistent from viewers eye to viewers eye. I have no idea about that, I can only see through the peeps I got. But I really like the question at hand, which I haven't really asked yet. So, what does the color green look like to you? How can you describe it to me? What if blue and yellow and red don't look the same to you as they do to me also? My dad used to try and stump me by asking me to describe the Brooklyn Bridge to him without using my hands. That wasn't so hard, just had to use your vocabulary. But this one, this one has me puzzled.

I'm going to say right now that I don't have a clue what the answer to this is except to say that the truth is most likely that the color I see isn't exactly what you see. But I can't really say that about too much more. Color perception might be closely related to the same part of the brain that manages emotions. Logic is probably not a factor in this. But emotion may be.

Does green look the same to all of us? Is it just a fictional image that covers all that's green in our world, no matter what it actually looks like? What does smoke smell like? What about a wet dog, does that smell the same? Maybe raindrops don't feel the same when they run down your arm in a warm summer rain when walking from your car to the grocery store. Maybe all these neurotransmittors that send colors and feel and emotion to our brains is a subjective type of process. Who knows. Why do some people love the taste of tomatoes and others loathe that taste? Could it actually be disgusting to taste a tomato to some people?

It goes hand in hand with the theory of believing that we exist at all. I still haven't found proof. Why couldn't this world be an elaborate detail of some higher power's restless night's dream? Maybe God had some bad pizza, went to bed, and all this is just a dream . It's meant to feel real, to seem real. But how do we know? When will we know? Do we need to know? maybe the world around us is just Nothing In Particular. Maybe this is my dream. Maybe I do exist yet i'm in a coma. Maybe i've been in a coma for twenty years and computers and satellite tv and blackberrys haven't ever been invented. Maybe this is all my dream. Maybe i dreamed this world from another world or another time. Maybe I live like they did on Little House on the Prairie. And maybe this is the futuristic dream i've been having for years. I don't really want to go back to plowing fields and drinking unpurified water. I'd prefer to go on with this dream. And if it is a dream, I still don't know if i can proove that i used to be someone living on that prairie. What prairie? What little house? They may not exist. Or they might. Still searching for input, data, proof. Proof of anything. I experience all my life's experiences but maybe that's what i'm supposed to do in my coma-dream. maybe i'm ready to meet the maker. Maybe i'll never wake up and when i eventually pass on to the next world, this dream will end. and then i'll miss my dream life and miss you all. I hope i never wake up. I hope my coma is bad but stable. I hope Ma and Pa aren't too sad, although if i'm related to them, they're probably overthinking this situation right now, and not knowing that i'm in a better place already. And if I wake up and tell this story, will they have me locked up in a mental ward? I don't want that. Those places are stocked full of germs, especially in the 1800's. But do germs really exist?

Back to green. Maybe green is green but lighter to some and darker to others. Or maybe green is just a name of something that another alien culture might call "plaid". I don't know the answer. But i'm so ejoying this question. more later. Email me if you think your theory is better than mine...joeschaos@gmail.com.

LAPTOP BULLSHIT: DAY 51

I think Maria lied to me. When I called her last Tuesday in India and asked for them to send me the power cord to my laptop that they'd forgotten to ship to me when they shipped my computer back to me. She lied. "Maria" and I haven't had a long relationship, but you can see how we might be on the rocks before we ever got to really go through the things that people in relationships go through. And if my cord shows up at the house miraculously before i leave for West Virginia tuesday night, all will be forgiven. But how will i ever trust her again? she said 24 to 48 hours. it's been 5 days. i don't know if I can take another relationship built on lies, half-truths and supposition. My heart can't take it. I think about Maria often, what she's doing, who she's talking to, and what she's thinking about. But we can't go on like this. There is no joy. I think the next time I speak to her I will end it for us. And she will have no one to blame but herself. This is her fault.

THIS PICTURE MAKES ME SMILE

ADAM WEST IS A FOSSIL

Adam West, who played TV's Batman for years and years turns 81 on Saturday September 19. I knew he was old but good Lord man, I didn't think he was THAT OLD. Anyhoo, happy birthday and yada yada. BLAM! KA-PLOOEY! WHAMMO!

SONG FOR THE DAY

39 YEARS STRONG...MY WAY

Regrets, I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do, and saw it through without exemption. I planned each chartered course, each careful step along the byway but more, much more than this, I did it My Way. --Frank Sinatra

So the day has come and gone. The 39th anniversary of my birth was yesterday. Thirty nine years man. I actually think that sounds older than 40 sounds. It probably doesn't sound that way to you 40 year olds out there though, huh? Understood. I woke up in a hotel room in Huntington W.Va yesterday, worked till 3:30 and headed home. My drive was good; nice sunny day. Not too hot. I actually am getting pretty good at changing from my suit to my shorts and tennis shoes while i drive down the highway. I have no problem sitting at a traffic light pulling on a pair of cargo shorts. i don't really care if anyone sees anything. boxers are basically just smaller shorts. its not like i'm in a thong, not today anway. and you know what? if i were in a thong, I might be showin off a little bit more. But thats kind of the thing with my life. I have a certain amount of ambiguity when it comes to rules, standards and norms. Oh yeah, one other case of ambiguity...authority. yes i seem to remember i don't really care for authority in general. I've always been more about what I think I should do, rather than what someone else tells me I should do. I don't like to be pushed, and I don't like to be manipulated. I do like to think for myself though. I guess I've always done it my way. I didn't say it was the right way, just my way.

Like it or lump it, this is life. I'm 39 years old. Breathe. I know I'm an adult (cough, bullshit, cough). I just don't feel like an adult. And I'm not even talking about a little bit of the time. I mean yes, there's work and mortgage and bills and garbage night. But most of that really doesn't matter to me at all. I don't care about most of it anymore. No I don't want to be a bum and yes I want to have somewhere to live, as opposed to the sidewalk. But none of it really matters to me. When I'm not at work I usually dress like a kid. I talk and cuss (fucking constantly) like a kid. No one really asks me anymore when I'm going to grow up. I'm just funny Joe, being Joe. Or as I'm thinking of it tonight, acting like it's My Way.

The most important thing to me is my kid's lives and development. i don't take a "my way" attitude to any of their stuff. It's when it comes to the kids that I feel most like a grown-up. I guess that's a good thing. And if the world does have rights and wrongs, then this is one of those rights. And if i'm wrong, then I don't ever wanna be right.

The way it goes for others is not my way. I don't work the way others do. I don't care about what most people do. I want to think my own thoughts, develop my own attitudes and do what I want. I can always handle the repurcusions. If I'm wrong, or my decisions aren't what's best for me, I'll figure it out, and course-correct as needed. I didn't say it was easy or fun being me (although it is somewhat fun), I'm just saying I've gotta be me. And I've done it my way. Happy Birthday to me, and to My Way.

And even though Sinatra made this song his way, I prefer the Elvis in Hawaii version.

LAPTOP BULLSHIT PART THREE..OMG

Got my laptop back today, for the second time in three weeks. And it's fixed, you remember, they fixed what they broke the last time i sent it to them for other reasons? so, yeah. anyhoo, i was all excited when the Fedex man rang the bell. Opened the box right away and guess what? No freakin power chord. Kinda like an $800 paper weight ya know? Anyhoo, i immediately called "Maria" in India and she's sending me a new chord within 24 to 48 hours. We'll see. Glad to have this ol' computer back, but damn dude, I'm kinda gettin' tired of spinning my freakin wheels. Hope you all enjoy your week, i'll be back in a few days. Enjoy some Queen.

BIRTHDAY COMIN' ROUND

Yes yes yes, it's that time of year again. The world stops and watches while i turn the calendar to another birthday. Ok, so maybe the world doesn't stop and probably nobody watches and definitely nobody cares. Nevertheless, a birthday week for me, this is. And I haven't really thought much about it, 39 is not a "significant" milestone. But i guess it's a milestone for me, as in i've lived this long, not a bad accomplishment. I had a friend turn 40 recently who had a bit of a time with it, but I convinced her that it's really no big deal, nothing but a number. And the only person that has mentioned my birthday besides my 40 year old friend is my mother. Mom wants to take me out for dinner, which i will gladly comply with...free dinner is free dinner man. Dig it. But my kids haven't said anything so I assume that nothing is in the works. It is now Tuesday and the glorious day is on Thursday. I have to leave town today for a few days, and return on my birthday, but whatever. I say thursday is the 20th anniversary of my 19th birthday. I doubt there will be any parades or parties, and I doubt there will be any fanfare or much by the way of presents, and the day will come and go like so many days of my life have. I don't get hung up on the number, most years I'm still amazed by how long i've lived. So I live. And I breathe. And I am. Happy early birthday, to me. It's just a number.

KANYE WEST

Ok, so I read about all the Kanye bullshit. He is a rude, racist celebrity that has had more good luck than anyone I can remember. I really like his popular songs, and I've read about him, sounds like an ego maniacal jerk. I even posted one of his songs on September 6th here. What he did to Taylor Swift, who seems like a sweet girl, was completely rude. The MTV video music awards aren't exactly the Emmy's or the Oscars, but it's a well watched TV event and he made himself look stupid, again. But what struck me is that he is exactly what's wrong with urban kids today. They think they can rebel anywhere they want, and do whatever pleases them, then just say they're sorry and expect to be forgiven. Here's the worst part. Kanye always talks about being an artist and a celebrity and that none of us out there in the real world would understand his plight. Well i say that the rules of decorum have nothing or little to do with the size of one's bank account or their celebrity. Tastefulness and tact should always be a common goal. And he's a role model to some. I know, I know, i sound like an old fogey stogey. If he had gone on a rant about the music industry or the ideals of rebellion, i may be able to get behind him, because as you know, I'm the original rebel. But wtf? How do you do that to a kid when she's experiencing what should be one of the best nights of her life? When Elvis shook his hips and rocked his pelvis, he wasn't attacking anyone, he was developing his style, and the trends of the day said it was time. But stealing someones thunder like that? Unacceptable. And what do the kids in 4th 5th and 6th grade think? They think that's the way it should be. And they don't hear his apologies today. All they know is the MTV awards debacle. What's to stop them from grabbing the microphone from their Principal the next time at assembly? Or from standing up in class and going on a rant or threatening the teacher? Handling the responsibilities of fame and fortune and celebrity has to be tough. It has to be. But learning from your mistakes is important too. This isn't the first time that Kanye has gone off script and done stupid things. If I run any awards show, I make sure that if Kanye is in attendance, I put a few big body guards in front of the stage so he doesn't do anything like this again. I mean seriously, Kanye West? Who is he? I can name like three of his songs. Why does he act like he owns the media, like he owns MTV? I don't get it. Hey Kanye, do it for 15 years and we'll talk about it again. But until then, please refrain from stomping all over some sweet kid's most magical night. And oh by the way, Kanye, you're an asshole for this.

YOU WANT MUSIC?

Very cool little site here http://upchucky.com/ . Go to the right hand side and you can choose a jukebox from whatever year you'd like and play the top 20 songs of that year. There are games and other cool stuff too. check it out.

I THINK... MAYBE

I think maybe a lot. Maybe is one of my most commonly used words. I say maybe because I'm theorizing. I don't make the rules here, I'm just an observer. So sue me if I say maybe. Life is maybe to me. What could be, what could've been. Yeah, maybe. So when maybe comes up, you know it's me. But maybe doesn't mean I'm wishy washy, it just means that I don't have all the answers, I'm just giving you my thoughts, and hopefully, maybe I'm right once in a while. But it's not about being right. It's not about having the answers for me. For me i don't care if I'm right, I just care that I search for the answers to the questions. And if the journey or search becomes the focus then I say maybe it doesn't matter to me who's right. Maybe life is about the questions. What is right anyway? Who says who's right? Maybe life is just maybe. Maybe we're not actually here. Prove to me that we're here. Prove to me that what is believed to be the truth or right, and maybe I'll believe it. I have no idea what I'm talking about half the time, and the other half of the time It's just theory. So maybe most of the time I haven't got a clue but I'm still here. Wondering, and thinking and searching. Maybe.

SHIPS THAT PASS IN THE NIGHT

I love this saying, ships that pass in the night. This saying makes my creative side go wild. Ships, as a word, will always have a romantic tone. pass in the night is darkly mysterious. and so i love this saying.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once wrote...Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.

Longfellow was a poet and translator from the 1800's. I don't know much of his work, i've read some of his work, like Paul Revere's Ride and Evangeline. But never thought much about him. Cool name for sure. But the paragraph above is an excellent paragraph. I was going to write about what the phrase ships that pass in the night meant, but i don't think it needs anymore tinkering with.

But the analytical side of me must press on through this thought. Ships that pass in the night, as a phrase, not a quote, could be a cautionary tale. What if we are destined for something, yet the opportunity blows across our bow leaving only a faint scent of what might have been? Missed, an opportunity to fulfill a destiny once headed straight for us. What if this is totally about my life? I'm so A.D.D., I could easily see myself missing the boat, so to speak, missing an opportunity that should've been mine. How would I ever know what i'd missed? Would it be better not to know? How would I handle knowing that i'd missed the chance of a lifetime somewhere out there? The sea is vast, i might never ever sail past that opportunity again. But maybe the journey is what brought me there, in the night, sailing that ship. Maybe I was a ship, searching for a port. And if that port eluded me forever, wouldn't I just keep searching? I would learn from my travels and document the adventures i'd had. Maybe I'm supposed to be that ship in the night. Maybe if I pass one opportunity in the night, I would come to find a greater one. And maybe if I never found the port i was looking for, then the journey would become my destination, my destiny. Maybe there are discoverers and then there are searchers. Maybe I'm meant to be a searcher my whole life. Looking for the truth, searching for answers, developing theories about life and death and love. Maybe my port is the sea forever. Maybe thats my destiny.

So maybe its a cautionary tale if you are not an adventurer or a searcher. But if you are one of those, then perhaps ships that pass in the night are meant to do just that. And the life that we live is one day at a time, one observation at a time, one wave at a time. And maybe its not about what we missed on the way, rather about what we found on our search. I like that. searchers we shall be.

CINCINNATI CYLCONES

I think I'm going to become a Cyclones fan this year. They won it all last year. I don't really understand hockey, I just tend to go with the flow. I went to a couple of games a few years ago and it's such a fun time. They always run cool specials like Dollar Dog night and dollar beers too. And this promotion looks cool as hell. So since they're the only franchise in Cincinnati with a winning record, I'm going to go ahead and jump on the bandwagon now. ( I do realize that this promotion is over, but I still think it's very cool. )

SONG FOR THE DAY

SEPTEMBER ELEVENTH

I hate when I start to see it on the calendar. But, it's that time of year again. The anniversary of September 11, is here. Millions of Americans go through the memories, the pain and the sorrow for what is easily the most tragic happening in our nations history. Each anniversary I go through all the emotions, all the memories, and all of the pain. I didn't know anyone that was there, or that was directly affected by the tragedies in the World Trade Center or the Pentagon, but it's still very painful to remember. It was like an unreal moment. It was surreal and unimaginable that what we all saw on TV was reality for thousands and thousands of Americans. We all saw the ash covered survivors, the people walking the streets of Manhattan, holding pictures of loved ones that they hadn't heard from. I remember the network anchors talking about how all the hospitals were stocked to the gills with doctors and nurses and staff. And that all of the blood banks had gotten an unreal amount of donations. But all of the effort, the personnel, and the blood went unused. Have you ever heard anything sadder than that? Most of the people in the World Trade center never had a chance. And the firemen and police that went in the towers and climbed the stairs to their deaths, never would have imagined that they never had a chance either. I love the stories of determination and dedication of our fire and police and emergency responders that day. I read their stories of heroism and bravery for months after 9-11. I cried and shook my hands at God and prayed more than I'd ever prayed for strangers in my lifetime. What a horrible horrible day in history.

I remember the strength that our country showed in those days and weeks and months later. I've never been more proud of America than I was watching us rededicate ourselves to our country, to the flag and to one another. I'll never forget the memorials and the speeches people gave at them. I'll never forget the World Series that took place that year in New York and Arizona. Yankee stadium became patriot central and that series was one of the best I've ever seen. And the 9th inning heroics the Yanks displayed those two nights in a row were simply unbelievable. Poor B.K. Kim. He deserved better. But the D-Backs won in the end, and they deserved it. The national anthem and God Bless America were tear jerkers for sure. When President Bush threw a perfect strike at the beginning of Game 1, it was probably his best moment of his presidency. Poor George Bush, he wasn't prepared to deal with something as vast and sad as the 9-11 terrorist attacks. None of us were though. Maybe we should have been more prepared.

September 11, 2001 was a sunny day in Ohio. My first daughter Hannah was only six weeks old at the time. That morning I had a job interview with an internet company that was coming to town and the interview was at what would become their new offices in Covington Kentucky, just across the river from downtown Cincinnati. The interview took place in an office building over looking the river. I met with the General Manager for around an hour. At around ten o'clock her boss came in and we spoke briefly. But he was distracted and told us why. He said that a plane had crashed into the Trade Center building. And that was really all he told us, and then he left us alone. Half an hour later the GM and I were walking through the mostly unfurnished office space when we came upon her boss again and he told us that another plane had hit the Trade Center and that it was being called a terrorist attack. He was off to see what he could see on TV from a cafe down the street. I thanked the GM for her time and I went out to my car to drive home. I turned on the radio and heard a national broadcast eminating from New York. I had the radio tuned to a sports talk station at the time. Now, mind you, I had no idea the gravity of the situation. I pictured a couple of 4 seat airplanes crashing into the towers. I had no idea they were big commercial passenger jets that had been hijacked. So I switched the radio from one pre-set station to the next, and it was all the same broadcast. I immediately called home. My wife answered and she started telling me about all that she was seeing on TV and that the first tower had come down. I said "what do you mean come down??" She explained to me exactly what had happened, and how the tower had seemed to turn into dust and fell straight down. I was home in twenty more minutes and sat in front of the T.V. for most of the next day or two. I'm sure most of you have similar stories. I know that I couldn't stop watching it at all. It was horrible to see the people on the streets with pictures of their loved ones. It was horrible to see the footage over and over again. But I couldn't stop watching it. The news had estimated at first that maybe ten or twenty thousand people could be dead in New York. Even though eventually the number came down to just less than three thousand, it could have been so much worse. I watched the candle-lit vigils, saw the war torn streets of the financial district. The stories of no phones and no electricity were outside the realm of possibility for me.

And so it went for weeks. And ground zero continued to smolder and smoke. There were no stories of survivors. No stories of any hope. Magor League baseball resumed after a week or so and that really seemed to lift the spirits of the nation. It seemed like every night the Yankees and the Mets were hosting someone or some group that somehow was connected to the tragedy. And everywhere we looked, we saw American flags and stars and stripes. The nation was strong, we were all together. But the world changed around us. Distrust was high. Terrorism was suspected everywhere, and the anthrax scare made its way through major cities. They found traces of Anthrax in Mayor Giulliani's office and in post offices and government offices. Oh the times they were a changin', and rightfully so. Air traffic eventually began again but the airports became more like military posts, which can really only be a good thing. September 11, 2001 was the end of innocence for this nation.

My Pop was born and raised in the Bronx, New York. Excluding the time he was in the Navy for a couple of years and at Valparaiso Law School after college, he lived in New York until he moved to Ohio when he was around 40. Me and my brother and sisters were lucky enough to go to New York quite often growing up. New York was and is and always will be a wonderful city. I had been to The World Trade Center a few times. Walked by it many times. Got the subway there a few times and had eaten there a couple of times. One of the most amazing restaurants I've ever been to was on the 106th and 107th floors of the North Tower in the WTC, and was called Windows On The World. This restaurant was one of the most respected restaurants in New York and therefore one of the most respected in the world. In 2000, it brought in revenues of $37 million. Thats a big, big number. My Pop took us all there for lunch one day, we had to get dressed up. He wouldn't have been allowed in there without a jacket, nor would I have been. I was probably around 13 at the time. I remember the views from the windows, it was amazing. You could see for miles. You looked down on the tops of the buildings around you. You looked down at Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty seemed like one of those lawn jockeys from there. I even remember what I ate. Remember, this was 25 years ago, and I still remember the lunch I ate there. I wanted a cheeseburger. They didn't have cheeseburgers. But, they did have a "burger in a pocket". I ordered this, sounded close enough. It was a pita pocket, stuffed with loose, ground sirloin with shredded cheese, diced onion, lettuce chiffonade and chopped pickles. When we got our food, I squirted ketchup and yellow mustard down into that pita, and I remember it being absolutely fabulous. Our table was located on the exterior part of the dining room, which made it a table by a window (or table by WINDOWS!), we looked out the windows through the whole meal. The waiter told us that if we hadn't noticed already, the building actually swayed back and forth. It was designed and built to be flexible like that. Structurally, it was supposed to have the give in the steel to pitch back and forth so many feet. Odd but true. And I have no idea what the meal cost for a family of four, but whatever it was, it was worth it. Hell, I remember the non-burger 25 years later. Enough said. I love that memory. I'll always have that memory. If you want to learn more about the restaurant, just type it into google and choose "images". It was an awesome place. Until those fucking bastards knocked the whole damn building down.

I remember feeling very patriotic during Desert Storm. My buddy Mike the War Dog was in the desert at the time. I sent him some care packages. Once or twice I filled an Evian bottle with vodka for him. He got it too. He said he and a few friends got drunk in their tent those nights on my vodka. Glad I could help the morale of a few War Dogs. And the patriotism feeling came and went over the years. Don't get me wrong, I'll always love America and the freedoms she provides to me and my children. But when the world is going well, things like overt patriotism seem to be left more unsaid until Fourth of July and other holidays like that. I have been seeing some patriotic things on TV this week, and in magazines and online. I guess that's what this week leading up to the 9-11 anniversary should be about. And I know that when I think about these experiences I feel extremely patriotic. We will see more and more signs and t-shirts and ball caps that say FDNY NYPD NEVER FORGET. I won't ever forget. And I hope you dear reader will never forget where you were and what you felt and how it affected your life, that day 8 years ago, when you watched the horror on your TV set and read the horrific stories in the paper every day. I know you won't. I'm thinking of all those affected by this bloody tragedy. I thank God that I am an American and that I live here. I appreciate all the priviledge that comes with being an American. And even though the memories are not constant anymore, I will never forget all the images and stories of hope, and faith, and healing that came from the aftermath of 9-11. I will tell these stories to my girls when they are old enough. I will tell their children too.

SONG FOR THE DAY

LAPTOP BULLSHIT--TAKE TWO

Tomorrow I send my laptop back to HP for them to fix what they broke when they fixed whatever it was the last time. I hate this. But the warranty is cool, and I have to do it, otherwise its go buy a new laptop soon. So dear reader, I fear that I won't be posting much again for a week to two weeks, but the site will be here. If you haven't read the posts from a couple of months ago, maybe this is a good time to go do that. I swear I'll be back, and I swear I'll miss you. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I hope you see everything.

SIMPLER TIMES

I have this burning desire for things to be simple in my life. I understand that life is not simple. Life is what we make it. I want to make my life simpler. Simple doesn't necessarily mean easy and I sure as hell don't wish I was living in The Little House On The Prairie. I love my gadgets, my ipod my laptop my GPS. I just have this feeling that things can be simpler. Remember when you called your boss to take a sick day? They'd just record it and you'd be off for the day. Nowadays we have to go online on the company's intranet, login to the HR site, click the date, the reason for absence, it's submitted to the supervisor, he/she approves it, you are sent a notifier when they approve it, a block is set in your Outlook calendar and it reflects in your company intranet site as having taken a sick day. I realize that somewhere somebody was sold a bill of goods that this was ultimately more efficient than the old way. But where does it stop? Remember when you'd get the phone book out and lookup someones phone number? Nowadays one just types the name of a business into Google and you get their website. And then you scroll down, click on "Contact Us" and then you are given a multitude of ways to get a hold of that business, the last of these options is usually the phone number because God knows, no one wants to be bothered with a phone call. And once you look them up, you can usually find the store hours and the items they sell online and three different ways to order the product and you can sign up to be on their email spam list if you'd like. Can't I just call and ask what time they close and go there? Isn't that efficient? Don't get me wrong, I like to see movie times online and to view my bank account online and pay bills online. But damn, I liked checks and stamps too.

How do we make our lives simpler? I have four email addresses I use frequently. I have a couple more for junk and spam. I have a blackberry and mobile web and I can convert faxes to emails and anything I might need I can find on the web. But what about customer service? What about speaking to someone that speaks my language as a first language? You ever have problems with Direct TV or Cable? That whole process is a nightmare. Great product, but when you have an issue, you're screwed.

Can't gas stations just pump the damn gas for you? Can't grocery stores be more efficient? Why do I have to go through all the damn aisles then take my stuff out of my cart, put them into bags, put the bags back into my cart, take the bags out of my cart and put them into my car, only to get home and take the bags from the car and onto the counter? Can't technology make this simple? Why all the gyration? Can't there be a scanner on my cart, and like a few decent sized bags in the cart already? Why isn't the grocery store like a huge drive-thru? Just make the aisles twice as wide, I'll drive my car through each aisle. That sounds simple enough to me. Or hey, why not put all that stuff on line and someone deliver it to me? That seems simple.

Why is it me that thinks of these things? Can't the phone companies all get together and all use the same damn charger? Shouldn't there be a universal charger for phones, Ipods, stereos etc? Why do I need all these damn chargers? And while I'm at it, why do we need hundreds of different phones and phone companies? We have the technology developing at light speed, why can't they just franchise the damn technology and I can just go to the phone company for all my phone/ internet/TV needs? I like competition, but jeez, can't we just all get along?

The car companies should have been thinking about how to make it simple. Why did GM think they needed to put out the same car with a different name through Chevy, Olds, Saturn and Pontiac? Thats insane. The rule of KISS applies here...Keep It Simple Stupid...KISS. Now look where GM is today. Morons. Nice vision.

I had a good friend in high school named Bobby. Bobby was an interesting guy. He was a terrific soccer player, and got ok grades, and like me, he hated school and never performed schoolastically up to his "potential". He was the most charming guy, he was funny, girls liked him, and he was always asking why about everything. I told him that my parents were taking me to a psychologist once a week because they were worried about why my test scores were top of the heap, yet my performance in school wasn't really up to par. They thought I might need to talk to someone about these matters and that in doing so would help my grades. Wrong. Anyhow, Bobby told his mom, and asked if he could do the same. She said no, they didn't need that, he didn't need that and they were just fine with the way things were with him. But Bobby was a dreamer like me, and he took things too seriously and I just always knew that even though he was kind of a shy guy, that inside, he was wound way too tightly. And after high school, Bobby worked and played soccer in some adult leagues, eventually got married and had baby girl. Before his daughter was a year old, Bobby put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I don't know why he did it, and I suspect no one will ever know the real reason why, or if it really matters. But my guess is that life came at him quickly, and he couldn't cope with it. Life became very complicated as it does for all of us. I believe that Bob needed things to just seem simpler, seem easier, and that he needed life to feel less complicated. I could be wrong, but the idea of everything building in him might have been what sent him over the edge. I miss Bobby.

Why can't I be the guy that delivers potato chips to the gas stations, stocks their shelves, and heads out to the next gas station? Would that simplicity get to me? Would it make me feel too simple? What if I was the guy that goes around and stocks the Coke machines? Seems like good work to me. Do I want things simple or do I just want less stress from life? I don't know what the answer is, but the question is the important part. What makes my life seem so damn complicated? What makes me feel like things need to be simpler? Do they need to be simpler? Do I need a job that has less pressure? A change of scenery? A change in zip code? What if I lived somewhere that had a beach and I could take my girls there every weekend and watch them make sand castles and learn to surf? That would be nice. And it's not that I don't enjoy life because I do. Somehow, I just feel that it could be simpler. Maybe this is all out of my control and life is what it is. I say maybe we all need to turn off the blackberry and forget about email and ignore the 600 channels on my satellite dish. Maybe life would be simpler if I could just stop thinking about this stuff so much. But who would post this garbage on this blog if I didn't? I want life to be simpler but I don't know how. I can't go live with my mom and drive my chevelle all over town. Reason number one is that I haven't had that chevelle in 20 years but reason number two is that you can't go back. Life is complicated. Life is tough. The key I guess, is figuring out how to make it feel less complicated, and seem more simple. How do we do that? I guess by asking the questions, and reconcilling the answers best that we can, filing away the information gathered so that it works for us. Maybe life is one big rationalization. Maybe we need to figure out how to be more rational about the realities in our lives that seem to come at us too quickly. Filing these things away in our brains could help us all. Getting things off the desktop and into the right storage bins may make life feel easier and simpler. I'll never stop asking the questions and trying to see the point in everything, but it's up to me to deal with the answers if ever I get them. Life is not like a box of chocolates, though it's true that you never know what you'll get. Simple may come, easier may never, but how we deal with all of it is infinitely more important than not dealing with it at all.

SONG FOR THE DAY

SONG FOR THE DAY

SIGNS

And the sign says "Long-haired freaky people need not apply"
So I put my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said you look like a fine outstanding young man, I think you'll do
So I took off my hat, I said "Imagine that, huh, me working for you"

SUCCESS

I've been thinking about success lately. This goddamned economy has made it a tough year or so to feel successful money-wise. I know people that make an insane amount of money. I know people that have inherited a king's ransom. I know people that have worked forever to make good incomes. I know people that never made much money at all. I know happy people, and sad people. I know people that love their jobs but mostly I know people that just have jobs. I don't know where I fit in with all these people. I mean, hell, I sell pencils and paper for a living. That doesn't excite me. The only reason I'm there was because they asked me to come work for them. I never aspired to be a pencil and paper salesman. I never dreamed that I'd be a pencil salesman. I never wanted to be this. I just am. But is success directly related to the amount of money you earn? Is success directly related to how good you are at a job? I understand that success in your job is usually directly related to the amount of money you earn. But I don't think that a successful life should be directly related to either your job or your income. Many would argue that point. And many would say that it's easy for me to say this, knowing that I'm not making a killing this year. And if I were making what I made a few years ago, maybe I wouldn't be thinking about all this. But maybe a few years ago, I should've thought about all this.

I've been in the restaurant biz, owned a landscaping company (i cut a million miles of grass for several years that is), I have sold advertising, telephony products, internet products, over the road trucking services, and now pencils and paper. None of these things were anything I dreamed of being when I was a lad. But I'm not complaining. I've never been really career oriented. I hated college because I'm a bad student, and I thought I knew more than they did. I hate authority, I and I don't like punching a clock. I agree 100% with my close personal friend Lloyd Dobbler who said, "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." Of course Lloyd Dobbler was the character played by John Cusack in the movie Say Anything. But even though I'm quoting a movie line, this doesn't make it any less a valid point. I love that Lloyd was a rebel, and was trying to be a visionary. He wanted to bring Kick Boxing to the main stream, saw a future in it. He was trying to march to the beat of his own drum. And if you think about it, he was right. Even though Kick Boxing has never made as huge a mark as Lloyd had thought it was going to, mixed martial artistry (MMA) has become very popular since this movie was made twenty years ago. I want to believe that Lloyd went into that industry, since it's mostly the same thing. And I like to believe that Lloyd is like an MMA mogul now. But the point is that he had a dream, saw his life's work in front of him, and chased the dream is the important part. I haven't really chased anything yet.

I wanted to be a singer/songwriter, a star, an actor, a writer, a producer, a director of films. I wanted to bring back all the classics, and remake them. This has happened, and I didn't do it. I wanted to develop a Superman series for TV, this has happened twice and I didn't do it, twice. I wanted to write movies and songs and soundtracks about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. All these things have happened and I haven't done them. I wanted to be an artist, wanted to be a painter wanted to be an inventor. I haven't done any of them. I will tell you that I wanted to be a bartender, and became a pretty good one. I wanted to get into sales and did that, and have done it pretty well. It just doesn't excite me, and the only reason I wanted to become a sales guy is because I thought, when I was younger, that they had the good life. That was before I knew what stress was or how the economy could suck the profit out of any sale. But sales isn't really the game. The game is what you sell. I loved advertising, I loved being in the radio business. But I require more respect than that industry provides to any of its sellers, so I moved on. The money was great, but the stress and managment almost gave me a heart attack. That doesn't really sound like success to me. But all we've discussed thus far is jobs. Jobs, careers and money. This isn't even close the point. I apologize for the length of this article moving forward, I just need to get this all on paper, so to speak.

So maybe success is more about life than anything else. Door's frontman Jim Morrison wrote, ""The movie will begin in five moments," the mindless voice announced. All those unseated will await the next show. We filed slowly, languidly into the hall. The auditorium was vast and silent. As we seated and were darkened, the voice continued, "The program for this evening is not new. You've seen this entertainment through and through. You've seen your birth, your life and death. You might recall all the rest. Did you have a good world when you died? Enough to base a movie on?""". Did I have a good life? I have had a good life so far. Is that what success is? Maybe. And I say maybe because I don't have all the answers. I believe that the answers lie in the search for answers. And if my life has been a search, it still is a search because it's still in progress. And I don't always know what the questions are or what it is I'm searching for. I know that figuring out how to impact the lives around me is very important to me. I know that being a good dad and trying to create good people out of my kids is probably the most important thing to me. And I don't know if I'm great at that. But I try hard, and I think I do well at it. But it's all still up in the air until these girls of mine go out and try to do something with their lives. No pressure right?

Maybe I've been a decent son, and an ok brother, and I've always paid my taxes. I don't kick my cat and I'll usually stand up for the people that need to be stood up for. I try to be fair and optimistic, but I usually end up being cynical. How does this all add up to the life of success? I'm still waiting for something to really inspire me. What if it doesn't ever happen? What if my greatest accomplishment in my lifetime is that I produced two good kids? Is that a successful life? What if I accomplish that and i've never had a job that I'm passionate for? Is that a successful life? What if I died tomorrow? What if the world crashes into a huge meteor in a week from now?

What if I'm supposed to be the dreamer? What if i'm supposed to be the analyzer of things around me? How am I compensated for that? Does it matter then? Am I supposed to be tortured through a life of jobs/careers that I hate? Just so that I can write my thoughts about them? I'll never be a King, and refuse to be the court jester. But I'm more suited for the court jester role than I am for the King role. What if what's destined for me is something I can't find passion for? How is my success rated then?

And maybe life is just a sum of it's parts. And maybe the my life isn't front-loaded. Maybe the back nine of my life is where my most magnifiscent shots will happen. Maybe the front nine is where I hone my skills and I make up a ton of ground by the eightteenth hole. I'd like to hit one close occassionally.

Maybe I need a sign. Maybe I've already gotten that sign and haven't recognized it yet. How will I be successful in this world until I find my yellow brick road? I hope that paychecks don't determine success. I feel successful. But this goddamned economy has me second guessing myself these days. I know that my parents didn't have to go through an economy like this, ever. I know that the world is going to be a better place in a year or two. I know that the success I have will probably never be directly related to the size of my paycheck, and I think I'm ok with that. I just want to make a difference, make something echo, make something last, make something great. If I don't make something great, will I be unsuccessful? Who's to judge my life? Is it me? God? Yahweh? My life will continue to unfold and i will tell you that the twisting of my life lately has been extremely interesting and encouraging. Maybe my sign is near. Maybe this life has been successful so far, only because I've made it to here. Maybe here is exactly where I'm supposed to be now. Maybe this is just a bend in the river of my life and the ocean or a waterfall lies just beyond the trees, just out of sight. I like that. Maybe I'm successful so far, but the search continues, and the journey has just begun. Maybe understanding of the present is part of the success I am destined for. Hopefully the river continues to flow and the shores guide me through this. I have no compass but I feel the winds are strong, blowing me where I need to be. God I hope I'm right. I need to be right.

CONGRATS ABBY

Little Sis got a new job. I'm so happy for her. This has been a tough time for the hotel and hospitality industry. Glad she has found someone that appreciates her hard work. Glad they found each other. She deserves all good things. I hope she sees everything.

THIS JUST IN...I CHANGED MY MIND. REDS 09

Six straight wins. Victories in 11 of their last 13 games. Things are good right now. The Reds have played as well during this stretch as they have in a year in a half. They're actually fun to watch right now. What's the difference? Scott Rolen. Everyone said they have no idea why they upgraded at the deadline, while still shedding a little payroll. I have to admit, I didn't understand trading for Rolen, I mean I understand it, he's an upgrade at the hot corner, but the timing seemed odd. And I had been wondering what in hell GM Walt Jockety was thinking. I was thinking that Jockety's salad days were surely a thing of the past, and that he was just an over the hill General Manager, grasping at whatever he could to make something happen. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Jockety is still one of the most saavy baseball guys out there. I remember the Rockies going nuts in 2007, winning 21 of their last 22 games and going to the World Series that year. No one was even thinking about the Rockies in August of that year. And in September they went nuts. Here's the story about it if you don't recall. And no, I'm not saying the Reds are going to the World Series this year. The Cardinals are too far ahead in the NL Central, and they're just too good to let the Reds or anyone else in the hunt at this point in the year. But the Reds did something that no other NL Central team did this fall, they've turned it around. This team might be good. They seem to be much closer to a playoff team than the other Central also rans.

My apologies to all the negativity I put on Mr. Jockety over this whole season. Maybe he's in better control of this team than any of us imagined he was, especially me. I will continue to watch when I can, and will probably be back to writing about these Reds a little more. I appreciate tough, gritty, focused baseball play, and this Reds team is doing exactly that. I admire this incarnation of the Reds. I will not even say anything negative about Dusty Baker today. Its still a long shot, but the Reds still could have a winning season this year, if they stay focused and tough and don't run into anymore injuries. I'll be watching either way, rooting either way, and enjoying it more if they win. This town could use a winner. This year has been tough on everyone, hopefully more like me are enjoying some baseball.

FRIDAY SONG FOR THE DAY

SONG FOR THE DAY

SONG FOR THE DAY--BONUS

SONG FOR THE DAY

TODAY IS TUESDAY...BE INSPIRED!

Read a book, write a book. Look at some art, start a war. Cure a disease, take a walk, look at some leaves. Get out there people. Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.