Sunday, January 15, 2012
INK ON MY FINGERS
Today I bought the Cincinnati Enquirer, Sunday edition. I have gotten away from Newspapers over the past few years. If I came across one in a restaurant at lunch, or in a waiting room or lobby I'd definitely read it. But I don't buy them anymore. I'm not opposed to them. I don't dislike them. I read everything online these days, it's so easy. I still have magazines subscriptions delivered to the house. I guess you have to have something to read in the bathroom, right? uncool to take your laptop to the john and all that I guess... But I bought a sunday paper this morning and I really enjoyed it. It's smaller than it used to be.
I'M OK WITH ME
I don't think it happens all of a sudden. I don't think there's like one thing that happens. I think maybe there's a series of events in your adult life that makes you realize, whether consciously or not, that you have produced a life that's OK with you. It's very true to say that we are always our own biggest critics.
Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Who was I supposed to be? How did I get here? What has lead me to this place, which makes me who I am today? How did I build the neighborhood of "me" that I see before me in the mirror? I've made so many mistakes. I have so many great things to be thankful for. Have I learned enough from the good and bad to make myself OK, even for my standards? Why do I have standards? What the hell does that mean? Is it possible to have standards, whether high or low for one's own self? Am I getting at Self Actualization? Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Not sure. When do we just say "hey, I'm ok with me" and know in our heart of hearts that we are OK with ourselves? Let's bring in the pros.
What is Self-Actualisation? Located at the peak of Maslows hierarchy, he described this high level need in this way:
"What a man can be - he must be, this need we may call self actualization. It refers to the desire of self fulfillment, namely to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."
So, he's saying that the self actualization step is when you've become all that you can be. All potential has been achieved. You're running at the top level for you. You've learned from everything you can and then you said "I'm here, I'm self actualized, I'm on the top of my game and life can't get any better". I call bullshit.
Can't you just be good? As in "I'm good". Why do we have to be fully maximized? If you ran a car like that you'd burn the motor out in about thirty thousand miles. There's a judgmental tone that I get from the idea of Self Actualization....at least the way Maslow defines it. Why can't we just be who we are? Why can't we just say "hey, I like me, I'm good. I put in a day's work and fed the kids. I can't go to another cooking class or to a book club tonight, i'm exhausted and I REALLY AM OK WITH ME!"
Life is short. Too short to care about true self actualization. Self actualization is overrated in my opinion. Be good at what you do. Be a good person. Snicker at the fat guy on the elevator or tell racist jokes. I don't really care what you do. But at the end of the day, I say be good with yourself. If you can find that peace, that state of mind where you can just say "dude, i'm good with me" and move on, then that's the top of the mountain for me. That's where it counts. We can always learn more. Lee Iaccoca wasn't the smartest most self actualized guy in the world. I'm not either. But I bet we could have a good conversation about life and friendship and kids and beer and women. But I'm never going to save Chrysler. But he's never going to look at my baby girl in the eye and tell her "no, put that down, it's dangerous. I love you and don't want you to get hurt" when she picks up a pack of matches or piece of broken glass. The two achievements are no lesser or no greater to each other. They are simply things that we can do for ourselves and not for each other. And let us not forget, Iacocca was the man behind the Pinto. One of the greatest auto industry foibles ever. And I taught my daughter how to give the middle finger. But that's my whole point. I'M OK WITH THAT because I'm ok with me. There is no standard. Grow, love, live and question things. Find answers and make arguments. Live life with the level of passion you're comfortable with and keep going. I don't need to be at the top of the mountain. I don't need to be a master of the universe. What I need is to be is happy with the idea of me. That who I am is good, is OK. I don't live to others' standards. Why would I? I am me. I am ok being me. I'm ok with me.
But do what ya want. You gotta live with you. I just gotta live with me.
Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Who was I supposed to be? How did I get here? What has lead me to this place, which makes me who I am today? How did I build the neighborhood of "me" that I see before me in the mirror? I've made so many mistakes. I have so many great things to be thankful for. Have I learned enough from the good and bad to make myself OK, even for my standards? Why do I have standards? What the hell does that mean? Is it possible to have standards, whether high or low for one's own self? Am I getting at Self Actualization? Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Not sure. When do we just say "hey, I'm ok with me" and know in our heart of hearts that we are OK with ourselves? Let's bring in the pros.
What is Self-Actualisation? Located at the peak of Maslows hierarchy, he described this high level need in this way:
"What a man can be - he must be, this need we may call self actualization. It refers to the desire of self fulfillment, namely to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."
Can't you just be good? As in "I'm good". Why do we have to be fully maximized? If you ran a car like that you'd burn the motor out in about thirty thousand miles. There's a judgmental tone that I get from the idea of Self Actualization....at least the way Maslow defines it. Why can't we just be who we are? Why can't we just say "hey, I like me, I'm good. I put in a day's work and fed the kids. I can't go to another cooking class or to a book club tonight, i'm exhausted and I REALLY AM OK WITH ME!"
Life is short. Too short to care about true self actualization. Self actualization is overrated in my opinion. Be good at what you do. Be a good person. Snicker at the fat guy on the elevator or tell racist jokes. I don't really care what you do. But at the end of the day, I say be good with yourself. If you can find that peace, that state of mind where you can just say "dude, i'm good with me" and move on, then that's the top of the mountain for me. That's where it counts. We can always learn more. Lee Iaccoca wasn't the smartest most self actualized guy in the world. I'm not either. But I bet we could have a good conversation about life and friendship and kids and beer and women. But I'm never going to save Chrysler. But he's never going to look at my baby girl in the eye and tell her "no, put that down, it's dangerous. I love you and don't want you to get hurt" when she picks up a pack of matches or piece of broken glass. The two achievements are no lesser or no greater to each other. They are simply things that we can do for ourselves and not for each other. And let us not forget, Iacocca was the man behind the Pinto. One of the greatest auto industry foibles ever. And I taught my daughter how to give the middle finger. But that's my whole point. I'M OK WITH THAT because I'm ok with me. There is no standard. Grow, love, live and question things. Find answers and make arguments. Live life with the level of passion you're comfortable with and keep going. I don't need to be at the top of the mountain. I don't need to be a master of the universe. What I need is to be is happy with the idea of me. That who I am is good, is OK. I don't live to others' standards. Why would I? I am me. I am ok being me. I'm ok with me.
But do what ya want. You gotta live with you. I just gotta live with me.
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